It’s tempting to go with the flow. It’s always the easiest option. At least, in the short term.
When the flow goes against your grain long enough, the friction can cause deep erosion.
Whether it’s sticking it out to finish an education, even when you know from day one it’s not your place, like Henk-Jan. Or it’s burning out in a job and its company culture, like Martin.
When your needs are different from the convention, it can be scary to design a life, work, or relationship to suit you.
Coaching extraordinaire Jim Dethmer describes three steps that you have to go through.
The first is self-awareness. You have to be able to truly see yourself and the situation. Objectively. In full.
What’s yours, what’s theirs, what’s imagined. See the discrepancy between what is and what could be.
Second, there is self-acceptance. Seeing yourself is not the same as accepting (see also Tara Brach’s brilliant book Radical Acceptance).
Be gentle and loving with your quirks, shortcomings, and preferences, And, accept that this is the situation as it is currently.
When you move on from anger or frustration and act from a place of calm and acceptance, your actions will be more effective.
Thirdly, you need to have the will to act. There is value in the way things are, it’s what got you where you are.
Are you willing to take the leap and try and design a life around how you want to live? Are you willing to have the conversation, take the risk, or do the work?
Sounds simple enough. But in going through these steps you’ll run into resistance.
Your subconscious knows really well, there are risks involved when you go against what is accepted by the community or when you try things that might fail.
It manifests itself in three voices: The Voices of Judgement (”stupid idea”), Cynicism (”people will mock you”), and Fear (”it will end badly”) (Theory U).
When you see them coming, you can prepare your stance. Listen, thank them for their advice, and decide to put it beside you.
In my conversation with Henk-Jan and Martin of CityGard, we talked about these previous experiences and how they now truly support each other in creating a partnership and a company with a working situation that matches both their personalities and preferences!
We also talked about how everything they do with CityGard start from their cofounder relationship. It’s that first, second and third, and then they can role.
Interested in fully designing a company your way? Listen to 9 more of my conversations with entrepreneurs who took a different approach.
